The Good, the Bad, and the Slugger
by Morbid Mother
Summary: What do you get with fast food and a delivery at the drivethru. Our Main Man in Japan makes a pretty appearance one woman may never forget.


**Don't be a wise-ass cus I love you guys(no I don't), but I just want to tell you that. This is my VERY FIRST fanfic so give me lots of love too(although I may not give you any). As you MUST KNOW PARANOIA AGENT don't think the Lil' guy doesn't have a brain(he's just in it), and would like to make the nervous guy feel like he's gonna have a last meal. As you all know...BLAME MW...whoever was genius(not) enough to come up with such a thing was obviously smart(more like not).**

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**The Good, the Bad, and the Slugger**

By Morbid Mother

"You stupid, asshole," said the art director, "Ekinoi has been working on that poster since last week. Painting and drying, painting and drying, and you just had to spill coffee all over it.

"You know, you're such a sorry bastard I don't know who would want to pick your shit sack off the street. I sure wouldn't have.

"You're such a klutzy dog I'm surprised your ass isn't in prison for all the clumsy shit you've done.

"I'll be sure to make sure you don't get another fuking job again, especially after this one.

"You'd do great at wiping people's ass for a living, although I don't think you'd be able to keep your head out of the damn toilet.

"You're so fuking clumsy you probably tripped out your mama's pussy when you born.

"Your ass is so thick that if I drilled a nine inch nail-,"

"Aaaaaaall right, all right, all right. I get your fuking point. I'll just go down to the fuking hardware store and buy another one of your shitty canvases."

sniff sniff (Ekinoi was crying in the background)

The little man left the studio and made his way to his Ford SUV. When the man opened the door he was greeted by big eyes attached to a big head and small body.

"Hello, Maroni," the man said, "I'm sorry, but you can t drive today."

Maroni twisted silently on the rear view mirror.

The man got into the vehicle and started the engine. He had let it idle for a bit when he realized a sound besides his engine.

It was a low _skkk, skkk_, but the man disregarded it as some kid playing around on his skates.

He switched the gear into drive and drove out of the parking lot onto the highway.

He soon relaxed into the whirr of his 300 horsepower engine, the low _skkk, _and the _bump, bump, bump, _of the tires rolling over the concrete of the highway. Nothing was as it shouldn't be, not out there on the dark highway.

His mind relaxed, then it began to wander...wander to those unsettling thoughts that always brought on a fretful state. His mind rolled over the possibility of losing his job; the possibility of being fired. _All because of that stupid bitch Ekinoi, who thought is, was funny to put the canvas on the table. Why couldn't she just put it on an artist easel or weasel, or whatever they call it. The bitch had no right to settle on the table._

The low _skkk _became a little bit louder and a little bit more persistent.

_And that art director, what do they call him?_

_Shongy?_

_Shiggy?_

_Ahh, Shit Head! Yeah, Shit Head. Well, Shit Head should take a chill pill._

_Shit Head should..._

_Shit Head should..._

A lone tear of humiliation escaped his eye. The man swiftly brushed it away.

_I bet that boy could take care of business easily with that shiny bat._

The man drove his SUV off on to the ramp and stopped at the red light.

_Hey, _the man thought, _what happened to that _skkk _sound?_

Suddenly, the SUV felt a little too tight. That's wrong; the SUV was a nice spacey size. The SUV felt darker too; so dark, in fact that the man reached up to turn the car lamp on...

And in mid reach he glimpsed, through the corner of his eye, a baseball cap and a golden bat.

The man drew in a sharp intake of breath and Lil' Slugger began tapping his bat against the side of his knee. Beads of sweat accumulated on the man's face. He began to fret even more and his eyes widened in fear. Maroni looked at him from the noose that was snug around his neck. He mouthed silently, "you kill me, and he kill you. My very best friend."

"Sorry, Maroni," the man said again, "but, you can't drive today."

Lil' Slugger tightened his grip on the bat and grinned, showing all twenty-five of his fanged teeth.

"Sorry-Maroni-but-you-can't-drive-today."

Lil' Slugger stopped tapping the bat on his knee. He gripped it tighter.

"Sorry-Maroni-but-you-can't...you...you..."

Lil' Slugger raised his arm to-

"you-wanna-go-to-McDonald?" the man said the words so fast that they were barely discernable.

Lil' Slugger's grin, if possible, intensified but he said, "Sure!" as if he was a little kid about to go for a ride with his daddy.

The man relaxed in his seat and glanced at Maroni, but didn't say anything to the noosed doll.

He turned into the McDonald's drive-thru lane but had to wait since they weren't the only people with a fast meal in mind.

While the two sat in the SUV, Maroni hung, and Lil' Slugger turned on the radio to a station that was playing the Paranoia Agent theme song. Both guys, and doll, began bobbing their heads to the beat. _Bob, bob, bob..._

Then Lil' Slugger began tapping his bat against the plastic of the SUV's door and Maroni began slapping his hands against the windshield, the trio coming up with their own solo beat.

The man in the driver seat was fine, until he drove up the ordering window. A woman slid the glass back from the frame and said, "Welcome to Mcky D's, how may I help you?"

The man leaned out the window. He began to stutter and sweat even more, his eyes darting back and forth.

The last thing he saw was a long shadow looming over his head and the woman's white smile framed by lips painted far too red.

Maroni said, "Bye bye, little man."

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**Bye, Bye, Little poeple, and enjoy your stay hanging from the noose in the little man's car.**


End file.
